Pan-dimensional Eggplants (or why presuppositional apologetics and religious claims in general are silly)

So I’ve been looking at some presuppositional apologetics for Christianity, and apart from the fact that these particular arguments are totally incoherent nonsense (see: http://www.proofthatgodexists.org), I’d like to demonstrate in my own little way why making claims with no evidence, that possibly can never even HAVE evidence is a silly way to make an argument, and why I consider faith to be a harmful thing.

The universe was created by eggplants. Eggplants are pan-dimensional and transtemporal in nature. It is these attributes that triggered the big bang.
But wait a moment! They are part of the universe! How can they CAUSE it? That’s where the transtemporal nature of the eggplant came in. It’s a temporal paradox. How do I know? Well can show me a universe that we know exists that in no point in their history have eggplants?

Exactly.

So as you can see, this is a perfectly valid claim that you can’t disprove. You cannot demonstrate that eggplants do not exist in the other 8 dimensions or so (I forget how many there hypothetically are) and one of those is time. We do not know what attributes these dimensions possess. All I have to do to demonstrate that this is logically sound with a presuppositional claim, is to presuppose that I am right. There you have it. As long as you believe it, it is true. That’s the argument.

Not convinced yet?

(subheading: the religious claim)
How do I know? The eggplants told me.

Now I know what you’re thinking. I must be mad. Eggplants do not have sentience, let alone the ability to communicate. Well *I* know that, that would be silly!

The eggplants are from the distant future, where they have evolved sentience. They’re pan-dimensional  and transtemporal remember, so they can interact with me here in the past in ways we cannot comprehend. Can you disprove this claim? How? You can’t! So you’ll accept it as the truth about reality, right?

(Subheading: the part where it gets dangerous)

Now you’re probably asking, if these eggplants truly have these abilities, why are they not communicating with us in the present, or contacting everyone? Why just me?

Well you see, in this distant future, the eggplants, with their unique perspective of the universe, have created a universe wide Utopia, everything lives in perfect peace and harmony in a state of perpetual bliss. They have defeated the end of the universe, perpetuating this utopia.

But you didn’t ask that, you asked why only me.

The butterfly effect. That’s right. The little change that has drastic ramifications. In order to make this utopia come about they have done all they can to minimise their impact on the past, because if they change it too much, they might cease to exist, destroying THE WHOLE UNIVERSE FOREVER! Do you want to destroy everything? I surely don’t.

So they guide me to ensure the universe gets to this point of utopia, the slightest deviation may cause the destruction of the entire universe. So we have this bunch of rules and events that must happen. We must make it happen no matter what if we want the universe to exist and to live in perpetual bliss, or rather, for out descendants to.

So you see, you all have to do what I say, or we’re all gonna die. You don’t have to believe me, it’s not up for debate, we HAVE to, or we’re all going to die!

Now tell me, can you honestly say that imposing certain rules and restrictions on people in order to SAVE ALL THEIR LIVES is truly a bad thing?  How is bringing about a world without any suffering a bad thing? You don’t have to LIKE what has to be done, but it is for your future… and your past you’re protecting.

So there you have it. Eggplants are the cause of, and the salvation of everything.

The difference between what I have just laid out and the claims of religion is that no one believes eggplants did any of that. But how do you KNOW they didn’t? Can you take that risk?

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4 thoughts on “Pan-dimensional Eggplants (or why presuppositional apologetics and religious claims in general are silly)

  1. “So they guide me to ensure the universe gets to this point of utopia, the slightest deviation may cause the destruction of the entire universe. So we have this bunch of rules and events that must happen. We must make it happen no matter what…”
    –Is that why the keep rescheduling The Rapture?

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